Five True Facts About Asexuals
1.) The asexual can exit this plane of reality by staying very, very still.
2.) The asexual can hear emotions such as fear.
3.) The standard asexual has 12 ghost tentacles sprouting from its back. Super Asexuals have 13, and Mega Asexuals can grow as many as 20.
4.) To summon an asexual, sing ‘Dancing Queen’ in Yiddish while slowly walking backwards in a circle. Multiple attempts may be needed.
5.) Normal asexuals are fond of deserts. The dry environment enriches the sarcasm deposits located in their lower abdomen. Asexuals that are able to maintain their deposits while living in wetter areas are very powerful and are to be feared.
This has been Five True Facts About Asexuals.